Death

Something else happened today, but I didn't think it belonged with all my happy hiking photos and such. Got a phone call from a friend who told me that someone I knew in my past had passed away. He was my first and only love - for him I was actually willing to have children - I was ready to marry and settle down, but sadly he wasn't and I ended up with the very broken and jaded heart. I've never been a serial dater, so didn't have a lot of experience with the whole break-up thing...after D. I just wanted to crawl into a cave and stay there forever.

Except maybe that's exactly what I did...after all, I haven't let myself fall in love since, coming up with whatever excuse I need to feel safe. I could say it's because "all the good ones are married or gay", or is it more because I avoid meeting anyone? I've dated since, of course, but sporadically at best, as D. set the bar pretty high in what I wanted in a man. After a while, I then did my best to hide behind many, many pounds of fat, gaining a good 70 pounds over the years. Great excuse, huh?? No one could possibly want to be with me when I look like that, and therefore I would never get my heart broken again. Amazing how profound we get with hindsight...

Anyway, my thoughts and prayers are with his family and friends now. Hoping we can all find peace with this.