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Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Now what?

It's Wednesday morning. Dad has been gone for two whole days now, and quite frankly, I'm done everything I can do. The banks have been notified, appointments set to change up the accounts, life insurance company notified and paperwork on it's way, Dad's investment companies notified and paperwork on it's way, lawyer called, obituary written, funeral home arranged (older brother took this task), oxygen supply company notified to come and collect canisters and generator, medical supply house notified to come and collect bed, family and close friends notified...now what do I do?

I am a list person, and I made my lists and crossed things off. Now what?? I guess there's the inevitable packing up of Dad's stuff, but I'll wait on that till Mom is ready for that. There won't be an actual funeral or service, as my Dad very sternly stressed he "didn't want everyone blubbering over him"...too late. But we will honour his wishes. After his cremation, we will take him to a favourite fishing hole from years ago and let him go. My brothers and I are thinking a memorial/wake/get-together (what ever you want to call it) is in order, if for nothing else so everyone can say good-bye. And tell us their favourite story of Dad...trust me, there will be a few! There will be laughter and tears and as much as Dad never wanted to be the center of attention, he will be for a few hours at least.

So, again I ask, now what? I'm going to go over my list to see if I missed anything, and then start organizing. It's a very cool, rainy day here in Calgary today, so it's perfect to focus on cleaning up crap. I've got so much stuff to go through and purge, so I'm just going to pick a corner and get started. Think I'll need sustenance first, so I may head out into the rain for some Starbuck's. Good thing they're close by.

I do want to say thank you for all the kind words and support I've been getting over the last few days. Some of you may only be virtual friends but I am feeling the waves of love all the same. Thank you again.

Later,

Monday, September 6, 2010

Day of mourning

As much as I expected it, I was still not ready for the phone call when it came. At 9:28 this morning, the hospital called with the inevitable news...Dad had passed on.

I know he's in a better place. I know he's no longer feeling pain and struggling for each breathe, but I still want to go back in time and make this all go away. I just want to be 9 again. Nine was a good year...played with my friends, laughed at life and probably spent the weekends fishing with Dad. That's where all little girls should be with their fathers.

'nuff said.

Sunday, September 5, 2010

Dryer Sunday afternoon

The rain has stopped...sort of. And the sun even tried to come out, but it didn't do much in the way of warming things up. Think it got to all of 10C (50F) and is still pretty cloudy out there.

H-woman and I headed off for the Farmer's Market, to which I almost forgot how to get there! It has been way too long since we were last there, and man, it was crowded! I thought I didn't really need anything, yet I somehow managed to spend all the cash I had on me, including one debit transaction. Hmmmm...but who can pass up such beautiful, fresh vegetables and fruit?
I came home with nectarines, tomatoes, wicked cool tiger cherry tomatoes (George was marking them as his own), mini cucumbers, mozzarella cheese, black bean and cheese empanadas and some quick cooking barley (10 minutes, cooks like rice, 8 gr of fibre and 7 gr of protein per serving - can't wait to try it). I read about the barley in the City Palate magazine, as they wrote about the finds of the season. Sounds really good, and I do love barley.
Finished the last of my chowder and am sitting here thinking...mmmmm...ice cream. I may have to indulge. While it is not an excuse to over do it, I did run for 3 hours today and burned off 1918 calories. I can have a spoonful (or two) of ice cream!
That's it for me...don't know how long I'll last tonight, as I feel myself fading quickly. Thank goodness tomorrow is a day off for Labour Day, as I feel I've laboured more than enough over the last few months. It'll also be my Dad's 78th birthday tomorrow, so will most certainly be swinging by the hospital for a visit.
Later,

Rainy day run

I knew it was going to be a damp one, listening to the rain all night. Now, before you ask, I am not on the East coast, bracing for Earl to come to visit. I'm on the prairies, by the mountains, and we're bracing for the sun to actually arrive. Been waiting all summer...it would be nice, just one day. But oh well, what do you do??

After an early dinner of Epicure Selections Seafood Chowder (which isn't bad at all - I added fresh salmon and shrimp to it) and crackers, I lazed the evening away with some ice cream (Hagan Daaz Pralines and Cream...O.M.G!) and then off to bed after the first few minutes of the 11pm news. I like to make sure the world hasn't ended or something before I go to bed...it's a quirk, I know. Set the alarm for 7am and immediately crashed.

Alarm went off - ick - and I finally crawled out after only two snoozes. Breakfast of coffee and oatmeal (steel-cut oats, apple, cinnamon, brown sugar, powdered milk - I'm out of the real stuff) and got my OJ/water mix ready for the camel back.

Got down to Eau Claire, only to discover most of the roads closed due to some kind of event going on today. It's too early for the Terry Fox run, so I'm not sure what was going on, but I managed to find some street parking nearby and rushed over to the Running Room. As I was exiting the building (it's now 8:32am, and groups head out at 8:30) I ran into Garrath, who said my group "went with the 4:40's". I interpret that to mean they have left already, and after finding out where we were running today (east to long zoo, west to Edworthy Park, east to home), I took off like a bat out of you-know-where to catch up with them. After about a kilometer or so, I realize that I don't see anyone in front of me, and then suddenly pace groups are passing me...hmmmm...did they go west first? Or were they standing around, waiting for me before heading out?? Uh-oh...looks like it's a solo run today. Which is fine, because, let's face it, most of us end up running our races alone anyway, so it's just good training for being alone with your thoughts for extended periods of time. I had started a little fast (7:07ish, which is tempo pace) to try and catch the group, but when I figured out we weren't connecting today, I slowed it down to a respectable 7:48ish for the bulk of the run. Despite the constant rain/drizzle and cooler temps, it was a great day for a run. At least the paths weren't crowded! Got to Edworthy in what felt like no time (and with 13 km already passed by) and crossed the river to head up the hill. Funny thing (and someone else said the exact same thing) is crossing the parking lot, both of my legs turned to lead. They had no energy, and suddenly, neither did I. I did my best, but I see no shame in walking hills, so when my legs (and heart, which was pounding out of my throat!) said slow down, I did. The rest of the run was fabulous at this point, and I breezed through the last 8 km. Who knew I would ever say anything like that.

Got back to Eau Claire, where I ran into the rest of my group (they ended up going a different route) and after some stretching, I enjoyed a late breakfast/early lunch of egg wrap (eggs, bacon, cheese, green peppers), fruit salad, chocolate milk and much needed coffee, before turning to ice! Sitting in wet through running clothes is not good! Came home (via a different route due to the BBQ on the Bow (event at Eau Claire) and some sort of parade/protest going through downtown), changed, dried off, and inhaled another cup of coffee. Just wanted warm! Heated up some of the soup, before getting a call from H-woman to head over to the farmer's market. Since I haven't been in for-ever, I'm going!

We'll see what kind of haul I end up with.

Later,

Saturday, September 4, 2010

Saturday morning

Hmmmm...or that should be Saturday "Almost Afternoon"...granted, I slept till 10:15 this morning (and still feel groggy), but still, where has the morning gone?

Moved my car in anticipation of my brother and step-niece showing up with moving van. She's moving into my little building today. I do need to go down and do some last minute fix-ups in the suite before she gets here. Just spoke with my SIL and they're not even in Calgary yet to pick up the furniture and stuff, so I've got time.

My goals for me today are:
laundry
dishes (really gotta buy a new dishwasher)
haul recyclables to drop off point

I love selling Epicure, but man I have a LOT of waste leftover after an order. It's like those stacking Russian dolls...you open a box and remove a box, which has a box in it to reveal another box, before you finally get to the product!!! And since I live in an apartment with more than 5 units, the City, in it's infinite wisdom, has deemed that we do not qualify for the mandatory recycling program everyone else in the city gets. Seriously?! So now I get to haul all this crap down 3 flights of stairs, to go to one of the ickiest drop areas (street people "live" there and harass everyone who stops by) or drive a fair distance to the burbs to find a place. Good times. But I'm also teetering on the edge of being on Hoarders, so I must do something! And I've got 3 days to do it, and no excuses otherwise.

Going to make the Epicure Seafood Chowder today, to try it out, although it's a rather nice looking day out there...too hot for soup. Maybe I'll make it (the salmon needs to be used up today) and then have it for tomorrow, when it's supposed to be cooler.

Only (hmph "only"!) 23km to run tomorrow morning. I love the fall back runs, after the longer distances. It is a nice mental break, as well as physical. When we're done a few hours earlier than normal, what ever will we do with our time?! Probably brunch! Yum.

Boot Camp was awesome, yet again, last night. Ran the Douglas Fir (I picture us doing that every night until snowfall, when they close the trail) although my legs seized up really early and I had to walk a lot of it. My goal (and I'll try to run it as much as I can over the winter - on nice days) is to finally be able to run the whole thing, bottom to top. It's about a kilometer, but it's all trails, with rocks, roots and mud puddles, and "steps" that go up and down. There's a bridge to cross, and hills to climb, but it's such an awesome feeling when you push off one rock to land on another and really feel the strength come from your legs. I heart it a lot! I will conquer Douglas Fir!!! Once at the top, there's a set of stairs - okay, platforms - that lead to the pathway above, that we run reps on till everyone (okay, me) gets there. While everyone else headed down, I did make myself do one more rep, just to feel like I was part of the group.

Got back to the mats (not too far behind everyone, as I picked up the pace on the bike path back), where Trainer Josh had his evil little orange cones set up. I do not heart the cones!!!!
Went something like this:
1st round - 10 reps of everything
On the mats:
- full body bikes
- toe touches
- squeegees

run to cone 1:
- jumping jacks
- high knees
- mountain climbers (I despise these...my shirt falls over my mouth (I know, crazy) and I can't breathe! Freaks me out every time!!!)

run to cone 2 (where our weights are waiting):
- shoulder presses
- biceps curls
- overhead extensions

run to cone 3:
- lunges, each leg
- squats or jump squats

run to cone 4:
- extra wide push-ups
- regular push-ups
- narrow grip push-ups

Return to the mats, doing the exact same things on the way back. Sip some water upon return and start over, only this time...15 reps of everything. Return to mats (same as above), sip water, try to keep it down and repeat everything...this time 20 reps!!! Return to mats (see above), sip water, really, really try to keep it down and then collapse on said mat. Wait, no, get back up again for some upper body work, because there's still 15 minutes of class left!!! WTF?!?!?! I kind of blank out here, because I seriously can't remember what we did next! Oh wait, it's coming back to me now! Tabatas!!!!
First 2 minutes (20 seconds on, 10 second rest):
- bent over rows
Next 2 minutes:
- drop leg flies (at least we're lying down at this point!)
Final 2 minutes:
- bridge to bench press (you don't know how hard it was to keep my 10 lb weights from falling onto my face at this point!!)

We then flipped over for some plank hold, side plank, banana hold (on your back with legs and upper body off the mat - you look a banana!), and back to side plank. Then we did some ab work...can you hear the evil chuckle coming from Trainer Josh?? I still can! We did full body sit-ups with weights, and then negatives. But for fun, we did drop leg negatives too!! That was new and extra special!!!

Finished, did some stretching and then off to get Mom to visit Dad. He was out of bed last night, sitting in a chair by the window (he has a lovely view of roofs, with the reservoir peaking through the parking garage) but he was all hunched over, almost in the fetal position. Asked if he was asleep (mumbled no), did he feel all right (mumbled no), did he want to get back into bed (mumbled no). Okay, so we sat and visited, although he wasn't very talkative. At least his one hand was looking better (not nearly as black/purple as it was earlier this week) but he is not fighting this round as well as he has in the past. I think Rocky is getting tired of the fight. Will head off later today, and see how things are. I did get yet another call from yet another doctor who wants to discuss his long term care with yet another family meeting. Do these people not go back in the files and read what we've already discussed a thousand times already?!?! And do they think I just sit at home, waiting for them to call for me to drop everything and rush over?!?! Anyway, she couldn't be bothered to leave her phone number for me to call her back, and quite frankly, I can't be bothered to try that hard to locate her. She can call me back. Grrrrr!!!

That's it for me. Coffee is finished, scone is eaten, so I guess it's time to get moving.

Later,

Thursday, September 2, 2010

Happy September

Wow...8 months down, only 4 more to go till the end of the year. I used to scoff when the "old" people told me to enjoy every day, because it just got faster...now I know they weren't old...they were wise!

Took the night off from everything tonight! Feeling a little frazzled these days (why on earth, I have no idea...) so I swung by the liquor store and picked up a bottle of my favourite wine. It may be a bad thing that I know the store sells this specific bottle, because of it's rather steep price tag, but it is just so.freaking.good! And because I felt like it, I thought I would have some cheese and crackers and fruit with it. It's almost a "complete" meal! I picked up some fig goat cheese, black seedless grapes, Raincoast fig & olive and cranberry & hazelnut crisps, Boursin Herb & Garlic cheese and a triple cream brie that is.to.freaking.die.for. OMG...it was so good that I didn't want to"ruin" it with any of the wine jellies or even the crackers, just eating it straight, a little bite at a time. Oh, man, I have one happy tummy right now!!!

Weigh-in today was a more successful number than last week, but I appear to be lobbing these couple of pounds back and forth. Need to decide if I'm staying on a downward trend and just stick with it. One lady reached lifetime today, and apologized for being emotional about it. Later, when I was congratulating her and talking with our leader, both Faye and I told her that she should be there when I hit goal, if she wants to see emotional. I will be certain to bring boxes of Kleenex with me, because this journey has been one long haul, and Faye has been with me since the beginning! Have I mentioned that she was my very first leader on my very first day, oh so long ago? Don't judge the time...it is a tough haul, as most of you know, and I am a slow...okay, stubborn learner. I have been a Weight Watchers member, consistently, without quitting (physically...mentally is another story) since September 1998. Yes, it will be 12 years for me at the end of this month. Okay, so I'm a really slow...stubborn learner!! But I shudder to think of where I would be if I had quit the so many times I wanted to, or didn't feel like going or knew I was going to be up at the scale, etc. I am nothing if not tenacious. Okay...stubborn!!

Going to finish up my 2nd glass (hey, how did that get there) of the Meritage and then head to bed. I know it's early still (for me) but I am feeling the strains of the week, and I want to have a strong boot camp tomorrow night. And it's day 3 of year end, so I'll be starting all my reporting and analysis and want to get a good crack on it, to meet all the deadlines. I don't like being the reason some data is held up.

That's all I've got...sounds like Dad is the same as last night, or as well as I could ascertain from Mom. It's kind of like playing charades or pictionary, without the white-board! Very much a guessing game, but at least Mom retains her sense of humour. Laugh or cry...which would you rather do? I'd rather be laughing...

Later,

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Where did Tuesday go?

Year end at work, so we had a wine & cheese to celebrate. I then went to run clinic, and did a great 6k tempo run with the group. After that, went to Mom's and over to the hospital to check in on Dad.

Got the "full Monty" as he wanted to show me where the infection is...there are just some things daughters should not see!!! That is one!!!! Lord... He's not doing great this time around, really laboured with the breathing and hallucinating again with the infection. Could be a long stay this time around.

Today was Day 1 at work, and while it is a crazy day, it's really no different for my team. Although my coworker would beg to differ. Because I knew I'd be on hospital patrol again, I ran my hills at lunch. In the wind...and the rain...and the cold...and on very few hours of sleep! But I cranked out 6. They weren't the prettiest I've ever done, but I did them and feel great.
Dad finally got moved to a room today (he went into emergency at 5:30am Monday, moved in the Medical Assessment Unit (holding area) Tuesday morning and got into his room this afternoon around 4:00. That's a long time in holding with no TV, phone, radio or anything. Just walls and medical equipment to stare at! Still doesn't seem great, but he wasn't talking crazy tonight, so maybe the antibiotics are starting to kick in.

I was going to meet up with the group for beer, but then decided I am just tired and came home. Got the rents ready for the building, and handed out the receipts. Had dinner of mini-wheats (straight out of the box, thank you very much!) and the last of the soups from Mom. A lentil (not bad) and a turkey vegetable (just all right). That should fill the hole till tomorrow.

That's it for me tonight. I'm done.

Later,